I’ve had a strange assignment the past seven years. It was a tough one of going into the darkness and chaos of having my life fall apart on so many levels I didn’t recognize myself or my life anymore. My self-identity was battered and bruised. I went through a divorce. I found myself living somewhere that didn’t feel like home on any level.
I went through the collapse of the economy shortly after the collapse of my marriage. Other relationships no longer fit. I felt raw, angry, scared. As vulnerable as I felt, I couldn’t take any B.S. anymore. If something didn’t feel right, I said so and some people didn’t like it. OK, most people didn’t like it. I’m sorry.
I watched more things fall away. My two cats died. I made some bad investments. My health wavered. Fun times indeed. The two best relocation astrologers I could find told me I was living in the worst possibly place for me. They said get out now. I bought a house. I know. I’ve never been great at taking advice…even if I ask for it. Let’s just say I was a bit confused and disoriented. (I can laugh now..not then.)
In all seriousness, it was no accident. When life gets this crazy and rough, I know the hand of God is at work. I was detoxing, waking up and getting more conscious and aware of the truths in my life. The marriage had run its course. I needed to understand the dynamics of some of my relationships and take my power back.
I needed to heal from codependency. I needed to get powerful around money. I needed to develop my professional talents and actualize them to help others in similar situations. I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet and develop self-love, self-acceptance and compassion.
It’s been hard work, but I feel I am completing my mission. Throughout all this I had a thriving holistic psychotherapy and life coaching practice. My phone never stopped ringing. I used to joke with a friend that if my clients knew what I was going through, they may reconsider.
Yet on the days that my heart was breaking in two, I did my best work with clients. I felt present, raw, full of compassion and open-hearted. I was humbled by the stuff we all deal with. It’s a wonder we stay sane.
During this time I did lots of my own therapy and got coached. I did intensive professional trainings. I walked on the beach for hours in silence. I spent countless hours talking to my closest friends. You know who you are and I thank you for your patience. I know it got tested. I was determined to come out the other side stronger, better, more in my power.
I think I have accomplished the detox and life is turning a corner. I have not wanted to live in this geographic location for quite some time but never felt free to go. This is hard to explain, but it was a feeling I couldn’t shake.
Gradually, the tide turned. I got clear messages it is time to leave. I felt I had passed the test and the gods were granting me a pardon. The shackles were being removed. I learned to stay really present during this time and got clear on how to feel the guidance everyday.
I became a better therapist and coach. I rarely ask a client to do something I have not done myself. I encourage my clients to follow their dreams. It’s time for me to follow mine.
I sold my house. I am leaving my psychotherapy practice. I’m starting all over. I am heading home.
I used to live in Denver and left due to a variety of reasons. Colorado has never left my heart. My people are there. My tribe. I like the clear blue skies, the friendly people, the spacious openness, the cultural diversity, the outdoor life, the sunshine, the crisp mountain air and the way I feel more like “me’ when I am there. Will I still feel that way? I don’t know.
I will miss certain things here. I love the ocean. I have old friends and family here. I love my house near the beach. I have a thriving business which is no small feat. Everything is a trade-off. Life is full of endings and beginnings.
In my heart, I know it is time to go. What awaits me, I have no idea. Yet my mission here is accomplished. I became the person I am meant to be—for now. I am going home.
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