Relationships and Connection Archives

How to Attract and Create a Lasting Love…at any Age

Everyone yearns for lasting love, yet it often seems elusive. Why is it so hard to find and then, if you do, why is it so darn hard to keep? As a couple’s therapist and life coach, I have worked with couples and singles for years with relationship struggles, fears, blocks and traumas.

Most of the people I talk with have no idea how to choose a healthy partner and create a loving relationship. I have had several young clients tell me they have no idea what a good relationship looks or feels like because they have never seen one. When I first heard this, I was a bit shocked. But once I heard it multiple times, it sunk in that healthy, lasting, conscious relationships are a rare thing indeed.

We live in a culture that does not teach relationship skills. Why is this not learned in school if not at home? Most people seem at a loss as how to proceed and, after a few failed attempts, often avoid the whole issue altogether.

I recently read the book, It’s Never Too Late for Love by a friend and colleague, Pat Burns. In this beautiful book, Pat and her husband Larry describe their path to meeting and falling in love later in life. Both had previous marriages that did not work out and they individually moved to Maui to enjoy their golden years.

Are You Being Drained By An “Energy Vampire”?

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

I’ve recently been reading Dr. Christiane Northrup’s new book, Dodging Energy Vampires. This book is a life-saver for highly sensitive people, also known as empaths, who are often the target for “energy vampires”.

In a nutshell, Dr. Northrup is describing what has commonly been referred to as narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse is perpetrated by “vampires” on the sensitive souls who they covertly feed off of in order to fuel their own emptiness and dysfunction.

Energy vampires are typically individuals with a character disorder such as narcissism, borderline personally disorder, sociopathy and psychopathy. They can be very charming, disarming and seductive when luring someone into a relationship with them which is one of the reasons it is so hard to break away.

When things turn bad, the empath is often blind-sided and strives to get back to the “good stuff” which was there in the early days of the relationship. The empath will often continually over-give while receiving little in return.

How to Pace a Relationship…

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

How to pace a relationship…This can be confusing! I hope this article, that I recently contributed to, helps if you are wondering how to navigate this aspect of a relationship so that it lasts for the long haul.

7+ Experts Reveal How To Pace Your Relationship For the Long Haul

Five Keys to a Happy Relationship

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

As a transformational coach and holistic psychotherapist, about forty percent of my clients are couples, married and unmarried. I love working with couples. It fascinates me to see who someone chooses as a life partner and to explore the dynamics that they create together. It’s an honor and privilege to be allowed into the private matters and sacred territory of the most intimate part of someone’s life.

I have been working with couples for about ten years. Of course, the couples who come to me are in some kind of distress or they wouldn’t need my services. Lately however, I have seen an increase in couples in distress and what seems to be an epidemic of marriages of people in their 50’s hitting the rocks and breaking up. And in most of the cases, it is the woman who wants out and the man who is devastated.

I think there are many reasons this is happening. Woman are tired of putting their needs last and taking care of everyone else. They often have the economic freedom to be on their own and they crave a deeper emotional connection than they are getting. Many times there is also a basic incompatibility that their younger self just did not see which becomes intolerable as one matures and realizes time is finite.

Oftentimes they still love their partner, but don’t love the relationship. It’s complicated, heart-wrenching and life-altering to make this decision, but sometimes there’s no other healthy choice. I get it. I’ve been there and have been through divorce myself.

What I have come to realize is that perhaps some of these relationships could have been saved if they only knew some key relationship skills to use along the way.

Here’s 5 Keys to a Happy Relationship:

Love is All Around

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

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It’s Valentine’s Day. I hope it’s a happy one for you regardless of your relationship status.

So many single folks can feel left out on this day, yet the truth is being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee happiness or love. I’m a therapist and relationship coach and work with lots of couples in distress.

I’ve had many young single people tell me they have never seen a happy relationship or marriage and have no role model for what that looks like.

This was shocking to me the first time I heard it. Yet, I kept hearing this over and over and the reality sunk in. Relationships can be tough. Finding real, lasting, true love is a blessing, not a given. My young clients often feel doubtful they will ever find a happy marriage for themselves, yet they continue to bravely look while working on their blocks, doubts and fears.