Nancy Harris

Transformational Life Coach, Holistic Therapist and the Founder of the Divine Feminine Living Coaching Program

Are You the Family Scapegoat?

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Welcome to the world of a dysfunctional family…There always has to be a scapegoat. 

The scapegoat is the person who takes the blame for the family problems. This is the person who is generally trying to speak the truth about what they see and feel is wrong within the family system. Unfortunately, instead of the other family members being willing to look at the problems, they often turn against the truth speaker and target them as the primary problem instead.

Needless to say, being cast in the role of the family scapegoat is severely damaging and traumatizing. Not only is your perception of reality denied and dismissed, but the scapegoat may be banished, ostracized and emotionally abused via gaslighting, blame shifting, triangulating and other passive aggressive behaviors. This treatment can lead to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, (CPTSD), which includes life-long mental and physical health problems. 

Family scapegoats are very common in families with parents with addictions such as alcoholism or with mental health disorders such as narcissism or borderline personally disorder. In these family systems, denial is the order of the day and serves to keep the parent from having to confront their own dysfunctional behavior. 

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How to Attract and Create a Lasting Love…at any Age

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Everyone yearns for lasting love, yet it often seems elusive. Why is it so hard to find and then, if you do, why is it so darn hard to keep? As a couple’s therapist and life coach, I have worked with couples and singles for years with relationship struggles, fears, blocks and traumas.

Most of the people I talk with have no idea how to choose a healthy partner and create a loving relationship. I have had several young clients tell me they have no idea what a good relationship looks or feels like because they have never seen one. When I first heard this, I was a bit shocked. But once I heard it multiple times, it sunk in that healthy, lasting, conscious relationships are a rare thing indeed.

We live in a culture that does not teach relationship skills. Why is this not learned in school if not at home? Most people seem at a loss as how to proceed and, after a few failed attempts, often avoid the whole issue altogether.

I recently read the book, It’s Never Too Late for Love by a friend and colleague, Pat Burns. In this beautiful book, Pat and her husband Larry describe their path to meeting and falling in love later in life. Both had previous marriages that did not work out and they individually moved to Maui to enjoy their golden years.

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Are You Being Drained By An “Energy Vampire”?

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I’ve recently been reading Dr. Christiane Northrup’s new book, Dodging Energy Vampires. This book is a life-saver for highly sensitive people, also known as empaths, who are often the target for “energy vampires”.

In a nutshell, Dr. Northrup is describing what has commonly been referred to as narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse is perpetrated by “vampires” on the sensitive souls who they covertly feed off of in order to fuel their own emptiness and dysfunction.

Energy vampires are typically individuals with a character disorder such as narcissism, borderline personally disorder, sociopathy and psychopathy. They can be very charming, disarming and seductive when luring someone into a relationship with them which is one of the reasons it is so hard to break away.

When things turn bad, the empath is often blind-sided and strives to get back to the “good stuff” which was there in the early days of the relationship. The empath will often continually over-give while receiving little in return.

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Five Keys to a Happy Relationship

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As a transformational coach and holistic psychotherapist, about forty percent of my clients are couples, married and unmarried. I love working with couples. It fascinates me to see who someone chooses as a life partner and to explore the dynamics that they create together. It’s an honor and privilege to be allowed into the private matters and sacred territory of the most intimate part of someone’s life.

I have been working with couples for about ten years.  Of course, the couples who come to me are in some kind of distress or they wouldn’t need my services. Lately however, I have seen an increase in couples in distress and what seems to be an epidemic of marriages of people in their 50’s hitting the rocks and breaking up. And in most of the cases, it is the woman who wants out and the man who is devastated.

I think there are many reasons this is happening. Woman are tired of putting their needs last and taking care of everyone else. They often have the economic freedom to be on their own and they crave a deeper emotional connection than they are getting. Many times there is also a basic incompatibility that their younger self just did not see which becomes intolerable as one matures and realizes time is finite.

Oftentimes they still love their partner, but don’t love the relationship. It’s complicated, heart-wrenching and life-altering to make this decision, but sometimes there’s no other healthy choice. I get it. I’ve been there and have been through divorce myself.

What I have come to realize is that perhaps some of these relationships could have been saved if they only knew some key relationship skills to use along the way.

Here’s 5 Keys to a Happy Relationship:

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