Other Topics Archives - Nancy Harris

Spread Your Wings

Have you ever felt a quiet nudge within—an inner knowing that it’s time to grow, to evolve, to let the next version of yourself emerge? I like to think of this moment as the call to spread your wings.

Transformation doesn’t always come with fanfare. Sometimes, it begins as a whisper. A restlessness. A sense that the life you’ve been living no longer fully fits who you are becoming.

The image I’m sharing here—a peacock, wings at its sides—captures that moment just before the full expansion. It’s beautiful even in stillness. There’s strength and grace in the pause, in the waiting. It’s not any less magnificent because it hasn’t fully opened. In fact, that’s often where the most profound growth begins: in the quiet space before the unfolding.

Like the peacock, you, too, carry within you the potential for radiance. Even if you’re not quite ready to show it all. Even if you’re still gathering your courage. There is power in simply standing in who you are, right now.

Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt: How to Navigate Life’s Most Difficult Emotions

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, stuck, or anxious about what lies ahead, you’re not alone. Has there ever been a more stressful time on earth? Hard to know, but we sure are in the thick of it right now and most of us are feeling the stress. Many of the clients I work with come to me in the midst of what I often call these difficult emotions “The FUD Trio”—fear, uncertainty and doubt.

These difficult emotions can be powerful, and at times, completely paralyzing. But the good news is: they don’t have to control your path. With the right tools and support, you can learn to navigate these feelings with clarity, confidence, and self-compassion.

What Is Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt?

Fear is a natural response to perceived danger—physical or emotional. Uncertainty arises when we face the unknown. Doubt steps in when our confidence wavers. Together, they can make even small decisions feel monumental.

Instead of curling up into a ball and shutting off the lights, perhaps there’s a better choice. How about getting support to move through these difficult emotions, rather than avoid them. Why? Because fear, uncertainty, and doubt aren’t signs that something is wrong with you and these emotions often don’t go away on their own. They’re signs that you’re human—and likely on the edge of something profound and meaningful. With the right support, your FUD may lead you to make very valuable positive life changes.

The Value of Investing in Yourself: Your Greatest Asset

by Nancy Harris 2 Comments

Investing in yourself is one of the best decisions you can make.

As someone who has been self-employed for over 20 years, I know the value of investing in yourself. It has always been my belief that when you invest in yourself, you are building a reservoir of knowledge and experience that no one can take away from you. You are making a commitment to your own growth that creates a sense of confidence and competence that attracts, in my case, clients and professional contacts.

It has been my experience that this always pays off and it is one of the best investments you can possibly make. Yes, it may cost some money, but the return is exponential.

As a therapist and life coach, I often see clients recoil in fear at the prospect of investing in their own growth, healing, continuing education or training, etc. However, if you want to expand your life, you must be willing to take some level of calculated risk and invest in yourself.

Let’s take a look at the possible returns on this investment:

Who’s Leading Your Life: Your Social Self or Essential Self?

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One of my early mentors as a life coach was Martha Beck, PhD. I completed her Wayfinder Life Coach Training Program in 2007. Martha is a Harvard grad, prolific author and well-know life coach who wrote the life coach column for Oprah magazine. Her teachings had a great impact on me and I use them to this day with my clients.

Martha taught that there are two things in life that take us off our authentic path: trauma and socialization. When young, it is natural to be in full expression of your essential or authentic self if you are lucky enough to be raised in a healthy household with parents who support and foster that expression. However, at some point the authentic self is largely abandoned for the social self in order to survive the culture, fit in and go along with the program.

This self-abandonment can have dire consequences that lead to a half-lived life and dreams long forgotten. The results of this are often what bring clients into my office wondering why they are not happy when they did everything that was expected of them. It’s the classic mid-life crisis, yet it can happen at any age.

How do we find balance and peace between these two parts of ourself when we have to live in a world that expects us to conform in order to survive? And, if we have given too much credence to the wishes of others, can we right the ship and still fulfill our dreams and desires? I believe you can re-align with your essential self at any time and create a more fulfilling life.

Let’s take a quick look at the divide and how this typically plays out:

Are You the Family Scapegoat?

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

Welcome to the world of a dysfunctional family…There always has to be a scapegoat.

The scapegoat is the person who takes the blame for the family problems. This is the person who is generally trying to speak the truth about what they see and feel is wrong within the family system. Unfortunately, instead of the other family members being willing to look at the problems, they often turn against the truth speaker and target them as the primary problem instead.

Needless to say, being cast in the role of the family scapegoat is severely damaging and traumatizing. Not only is your perception of reality denied and dismissed, but the scapegoat may be banished, ostracized and emotionally abused via gaslighting, blame shifting, triangulating and other passive aggressive behaviors. This treatment can lead to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, (CPTSD), which includes life-long mental and physical health problems.

Family scapegoats are very common in families with parents with addictions such as alcoholism or with mental health disorders such as narcissism or borderline personally disorder. In these family systems, denial is the order of the day and serves to keep the parent from having to confront their own dysfunctional behavior.