Nancy Harris Blog - Psychotherapy and life coaching in Denver

How to Unfollow the Flock and Find Your Unique Path

In today’s hyperconnected world, the pressure to conform is omnipresent. Social media, societal expectations, and cultural norms often steer us into predefined paths. But what if those paths don’t align with your passions, values, or sense of purpose? From what I have seen, this leads to burn out and chronic disconnection from self and others. To truly live authentically and find your unique path, you must learn to unfollow the flock. Here’s a quick outline of key steps:

1. Understand the Flock Mentality

Herd behavior is a natural human tendency. We seek safety in numbers, but this often leads to groupthink. Recognizing this tendency is the first step to breaking free and thinking independently.

2. Question the Status Quo

Ask yourself:

Why do I believe this?
Is this truly my opinion, or have I absorbed it from others?
What would I do differently if I didn’t care about judgment?

By challenging assumptions, you can align your actions with your authentic self.

How Tough Times Can Lead to a Quantum Leap in Growth

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

It’s been a tough January here in Colorado and much of the US. Bitter cold and gray skies have kept many of us housebound and more sedentary than usual. We all know it will pass, but how we deal with these brief challenges can reflect our coping skills in general.

How Tough Times Can Lead to a Quantum Leap in Growth

Life often throws challenges our way—those moments that feel insurmountable, where the light at the end of the tunnel seems impossibly distant. Yet, what I’ve seen repeatedly as a life coach is, that tough times are not just obstacles but opportunities for transformation and growth. Let’s look at how adversity can catalyze a quantum leap in personal and professional development.

The Pressure That Creates Diamonds

The saying “pressure makes diamonds” isn’t just a cliché; it’s a powerful metaphor for growth under challenging circumstances. Just as carbon transforms into a diamond under intense pressure and heat, individuals and organizations often find their true potential when faced with adversity. Challenges force us to:

Innovate: When traditional methods fail, we’re compelled to think outside the box.
Adapt: Survival often hinges on our ability to pivot quickly and embrace change.
Resilience: Overcoming hardships builds mental toughness and emotional fortitude.

How to Listen to Your Soul: A Guide to Deepening Self-Awareness

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

In today’s busy world, it’s easy to lose touch with ourselves. External distractions, the pressure of daily responsibilities, and constant noise can drown out the subtle yet powerful voice of our soul. But beneath all the external clamor, your soul is always there, guiding you toward deeper peace and purpose. It’s all about deepening self-awareness.

Listening to your soul isn’t about hearing dramatic revelations. It’s about reconnecting with your inner wisdom, finding clarity, and living more authentically. When I work with clients, their issues begin to resolved when they slow down and listen to their inner voice which invariably holds the answers they are seeking.

Let’s explore practical ways to tune into your soul and create a life aligned with your true self.

1. Create Quiet Space for Reflection

To hear the voice of your soul, you must first create space for stillness. In our hectic lives, moments of calm are precious, yet essential.

Meditation: In deepening self-awareness, meditation is one of the most effective ways to quiet the mind and tune into your deeper self. Even just a few minutes a day can help you cultivate awareness and start hearing your soul’s whispers.
Journaling: Writing can help you clarify your thoughts and access your inner wisdom. Don’t worry about perfection; just let the words flow. Sometimes the most profound insights come when you express your thoughts on paper.
Nature Walks: Spending time in nature offers a simple yet powerful way to reconnect with your soul. Whether you’re strolling through a park or hiking in the mountains, nature helps you quiet the mind and listen deeply.

Who’s Leading Your Life: Your Social Self or Essential Self?

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

One of my early mentors as a life coach was Martha Beck, PhD. I completed her Wayfinder Life Coach Training Program in 2007. Martha is a Harvard grad, prolific author and well-know life coach who wrote the life coach column for Oprah magazine. Her teachings had a great impact on me and I use them to this day with my clients.

Martha taught that there are two things in life that take us off our authentic path: trauma and socialization. When young, it is natural to be in full expression of your essential or authentic self if you are lucky enough to be raised in a healthy household with parents who support and foster that expression. However, at some point the authentic self is largely abandoned for the social self in order to survive the culture, fit in and go along with the program.

This self-abandonment can have dire consequences that lead to a half-lived life and dreams long forgotten. The results of this are often what bring clients into my office wondering why they are not happy when they did everything that was expected of them. It’s the classic mid-life crisis, yet it can happen at any age.

How do we find balance and peace between these two parts of ourself when we have to live in a world that expects us to conform in order to survive? And, if we have given too much credence to the wishes of others, can we right the ship and still fulfill our dreams and desires? I believe you can re-align with your essential self at any time and create a more fulfilling life.

Let’s take a quick look at the divide and how this typically plays out:

Whose Life Are You Living?

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

In the book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware, she discusses what most haunts those actively dying about how they ultimately spent their time on earth. What do you think is the number one regret? It is something I can vouch for as someone who has talked with hundreds of people over the past twenty years about their lives.

Bronnie found that the number one regret of those dying, is not living life according to one’s own terms. Essentially that means making choices in life to please others rather than listening to one’s own heart.

Bronnie states it as: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

I see this pattern in almost every client in one form or another. We’ve all been there, right? Can you relate?

This can be the client who married a partner who needed caretaking because that was her role in her family as a child. Then at age 50, she realizes she never pursued her own career or dreams.

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