Nancy Harris Blog - Psychotherapy and life coaching in Denver

How to Listen to Your Soul: A Guide to Deepening Self-Awareness

In today’s busy world, it’s easy to lose touch with ourselves. External distractions, the pressure of daily responsibilities, and constant noise can drown out the subtle yet powerful voice of our soul. But beneath all the external clamor, your soul is always there, guiding you toward deeper peace and purpose. It’s all about deepening self-awareness.

Listening to your soul isn’t about hearing dramatic revelations. It’s about reconnecting with your inner wisdom, finding clarity, and living more authentically. When I work with clients, their issues begin to resolved when they slow down and listen to their inner voice which invariably holds the answers they are seeking.

Let’s explore practical ways to tune into your soul and create a life aligned with your true self.

1. Create Quiet Space for Reflection

To hear the voice of your soul, you must first create space for stillness. In our hectic lives, moments of calm are precious, yet essential.

Meditation: In deepening self-awareness, meditation is one of the most effective ways to quiet the mind and tune into your deeper self. Even just a few minutes a day can help you cultivate awareness and start hearing your soul’s whispers.
Journaling: Writing can help you clarify your thoughts and access your inner wisdom. Don’t worry about perfection; just let the words flow. Sometimes the most profound insights come when you express your thoughts on paper.
Nature Walks: Spending time in nature offers a simple yet powerful way to reconnect with your soul. Whether you’re strolling through a park or hiking in the mountains, nature helps you quiet the mind and listen deeply.

Who’s Leading Your Life: Your Social Self or Essential Self?

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

One of my early mentors as a life coach was Martha Beck, PhD. I completed her Wayfinder Life Coach Training Program in 2007. Martha is a Harvard grad, prolific author and well-know life coach who wrote the life coach column for Oprah magazine. Her teachings had a great impact on me and I use them to this day with my clients.

Martha taught that there are two things in life that take us off our authentic path: trauma and socialization. When young, it is natural to be in full expression of your essential or authentic self if you are lucky enough to be raised in a healthy household with parents who support and foster that expression. However, at some point the authentic self is largely abandoned for the social self in order to survive the culture, fit in and go along with the program.

This self-abandonment can have dire consequences that lead to a half-lived life and dreams long forgotten. The results of this are often what bring clients into my office wondering why they are not happy when they did everything that was expected of them. It’s the classic mid-life crisis, yet it can happen at any age.

How do we find balance and peace between these two parts of ourself when we have to live in a world that expects us to conform in order to survive? And, if we have given too much credence to the wishes of others, can we right the ship and still fulfill our dreams and desires? I believe you can re-align with your essential self at any time and create a more fulfilling life.

Let’s take a quick look at the divide and how this typically plays out:

Whose Life Are You Living?

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

In the book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, by Bronnie Ware, she discusses what most haunts those actively dying about how they ultimately spent their time on earth. What do you think is the number one regret? It is something I can vouch for as someone who has talked with hundreds of people over the past twenty years about their lives.

Bronnie found that the number one regret of those dying, is not living life according to one’s own terms. Essentially that means making choices in life to please others rather than listening to one’s own heart.

Bronnie states it as: “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

I see this pattern in almost every client in one form or another. We’ve all been there, right? Can you relate?

This can be the client who married a partner who needed caretaking because that was her role in her family as a child. Then at age 50, she realizes she never pursued her own career or dreams.

Are You the Family Scapegoat?

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

Welcome to the world of a dysfunctional family…There always has to be a scapegoat.

The scapegoat is the person who takes the blame for the family problems. This is the person who is generally trying to speak the truth about what they see and feel is wrong within the family system. Unfortunately, instead of the other family members being willing to look at the problems, they often turn against the truth speaker and target them as the primary problem instead.

Needless to say, being cast in the role of the family scapegoat is severely damaging and traumatizing. Not only is your perception of reality denied and dismissed, but the scapegoat may be banished, ostracized and emotionally abused via gaslighting, blame shifting, triangulating and other passive aggressive behaviors. This treatment can lead to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, (CPTSD), which includes life-long mental and physical health problems.

Family scapegoats are very common in families with parents with addictions such as alcoholism or with mental health disorders such as narcissism or borderline personally disorder. In these family systems, denial is the order of the day and serves to keep the parent from having to confront their own dysfunctional behavior.

Are You Dealing with a Narcissist?

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

It is said that narcissism and narcissistic behavior is on the rise. One reason being that social media encourages and rewards self-centered and self-absorbed behavior. Perhaps the word narcissism is over-used now, but the pain of narcissistic abuse is no doubt pervasive and real.

At any one point in time, I would guess at least 50% of my clients are in therapy because of pain from a relationship with a narcissistic person in their lives. Oftentimes, they do not realize they are dealing with a narcissist. They just know they hurt and cannot seem to make any progress or change in this relationship no matter how hard they try.

What is narcissism? It is stated that about 7% of the world’s population has true narcissistic personality disorder. Yet, many more people are on the spectrum with strong features of this disorder. It can take time to uncover this behavior and truly understand what you are dealing with.

There are covert and overt narcissists. I am going to give a brief, general overview. You can find more details elsewhere.

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