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Self-care Strategies for Managing Tough Times

I was recently asked to give a talk on self-care for The Women’s March on Colorado Summit in Denver, CO. Here is the text of my talk.

I’m here to talk with you about how you are feeling and coping with the stress of the times we are living in and hopefully give you a few strategies for managing things better.

Let me start by giving you an overview of what I have seen as a psychotherapist and life coach in private practice for the past 15 years. I would have to say that in the past year or so I have seen the highest levels of stress, confusion, and fear in my clients than I’ve ever seen before.

My clients are talking more about what is going on in our country and our world in their sessions than they used to. I see a sense of disbelief, outrage, despair and grief over what is happening to our country, increasing anxiety about what will happen next, and how this will all ultimately turn out.

I think we all feel fear and a deep concern around not knowing what to do to make things better. Needless to say, stress levels are at an all time high and we are all searching for ways to make sense of it, cope, and feel better.

It’s pretty clear that the way things are being dealt with by the powers that be is not working very well.There must be a better way to approach our situation and create the changes we want and so desperately need.

I often think of the quote by Albert Einstein in which he said, “ You cannot solve a problem with the same level of thinking that created it.” It is also sometimes translated as, “ You cannot solve problems with the same level of consciousness that created them.”

I think we can say that on a very basic level our problems are being perpetuated by unhealthy, toxic attitudes, behaviors and thinking. We see outright lying, manipulation, character assassination, blaming, name calling, threats, fear mongering, and illegal behaviors… The list goes on and on. I’m sure most of us would agree that if this level of consciousness or thinking continues we are in for a no-win situation at best, and possible annihilation at worst.

Who’s going to change this?

The good news and bad news is it is basically up to us to be the ones to change this. We are the ones we have been waiting for.

Self-care Strategies for Managing Tough Times

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

Ten Tips for Self-care in Difficult Times

I was recently asked to give a talk on self-care at The Women’s March on Colorado Summit in Denver, CO. It’s no secret that stress is at an all time high.

All you have to do is pick up a newspaper or turn on the news to feel fear, grief and a loss of control. In all my years as a therapist and life coach in private practice, I haven’t seen people more stressed and disillusioned.

I will post the text to my talk in a separate post. Here is a list of ten strategies for self-care that I gave as a handout.

1. Acknowledge your pain. You can’t heal what you don’t feel. Let yourself feel your fear, fatigue, anger, doubt, disconnection, emptiness, hopelessness, loneliness, etc., Whatever you are feeling is OK.

2. Be vulnerable. Speak the truth to at least one other person about what you are feeling and experiencing. It is strong to be vulnerable.

3. Seek balance. Burnout is not noble. We need you to bring your best game to the table. This means you need to know your limits and say no to more than you can handle.

4. Set healthy boundaries. Taking on more than you can handle leads to anger, resentment, martyrdom and loss of self. You serve no one by losing yourself in the process.

5. Practice non-judgement for self and others. We need discernment to know what to rise up against and change, but self-righteous judgment can become toxic, draining and dangerous.

6. Practice compassion for self and others. When we bring compassion to ourselves and our pain it softens the energy, decreases our resistance to what is and allows for healing to occur.

7. Create community. We live in a society full of isolation, disconnection and loneliness. 40% of the population reports feeling lonely. Loneliness increases your risk of dying by 45%. Humans are by nature collaborative and communal. Make time for connection and friendship.

8. Express gratitude. In a time of increasing fear, grief and loss, take time to acknowledge all that you are grateful for in your life. It will help enhance your sense of peace and well-being.

9. Seek solitude. We live in a world full of noise and constant stimulation. Without peace and quiet you cannot hear your inner voice and find you own center. Sit in silence, meditate, walk in nature. Spend some time alone to regroup and recharge.

10. Connect with what brings you pleasure. Without pleasure we become parched, dry, grumpy and depleted. Enjoy the simple things in life. Slow down, play with your kids, your pets, get a massage, take a bath, cook a good meal for yourself…find your joy.

The Importance of Deep Self-Care. Right Now.

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

Has anyone else noticed that the world we are living in appears to be on the verge of a collective nervous breakdown? You’d have to be living in a cave or avoiding the news altogether to not be aware of the extreme levels of stress most of us are experiencing.

We all have the usual stuff to contend with; the family responsibilities, the bills to pay, the health challenges, relationship crises, etc. The list goes on and on.

Add to that, the stress in our country, the political infighting, the fractured relationships with friends and family due to the most contentious election in our lives. And now, the very real concern of an escalation of tempers that could lead to our ultimate demise through nuclear annihilation. Yes, these are challenging times.

My morning today started like most people’s mornings. I took yesterday off due to the holiday. Today I awoke to a flurry of emails, text messages and phone calls. While fielding these necessities, I was preparing my last minute documents for my appointment with my accountant tomorrow to do my taxes. As a self-employed person, tax prep, for me, is complex, stressful and time-consuming. On top of that, I am fighting off the flu.

By 11:00 am I felt kind of fried. I could have kept pushing through, but instead I decided to stop. I shut off my phone and meditated for 30 minutes. I know what you are thinking, “I don’t have time to do that!” Actually, you don’t have time to not do that.

How to Make 2017 a Better Year than 2016

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

These are no doubt challenging times.

We are coming to the end of one of the most chaotic and illusion-shattering years in a long time. Most of us have been shaken and shocked at both an individual and collective level in, oh, so many ways…I have experienced it in my own life and see it daily in the lives of my friends, colleagues, clients, and the world-at-large.

We have had to face that some of the situations and relationships in our lives are not what they seemed. The things we have been in denial about or avoiding are now hitting us smack in the face. The pain is palpable everywhere. I am hearing people say, “This was the hardest/worst year of my life. I can hardly wait for 2016 to be over.”

I understand, yet will 2017 be any different if we are not…?

I see those who are still wanting to avoid, go into denial, and live life as usual. Beware—this will simply no longer work. Not only will this no longer work, it will most likely lead to further pain, destruction and increased personal and planetary chaos. The energy on the planet will not tolerate or support such low-level consciousness for much longer.

What is one to do? WAKE UP NOW! Become conscious. Get real about what is going on in your life and the world around you. Learn to feel your feelings and speak your truth. Be authentic. It really isn’t that hard or scary. Living unconsciously is what is hard and scary. Walking around in the illusion that everything is OK and will turn out fine is what led us all to such a precarious place.

How to Find Peace Amidst the Overwhelm

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

It seems like half the clients I spoke with last week told me how overwhelmed they are. When I asked what was going on I heard about sick friends dying, fear of job loss, relationship break-ups, divorce dramas and financial strain.

It seems like life is always throwing something unexpected our way. Just when we get through one thing and think it’s now going to be OK, something else often comes along to disturb our peace of mind.

In exploring the pain of these situations further with my clients, they began to say things like, “I don’t think I’ll ever make more money than I do now.” “I’m afraid I’ll never meet anyone to be in a relationship with.” And, “What if I never find a new job?”

It was clear that it’s not just what is happening in our lives that causes us pain, it is all the out-of-control thoughts that our mind thinks about what is going on that makes things worse.

Our minds are so good at future-tripping and creating negative fantasies that it is a wonder any of us get out of bed in the morning.

And when you take the difficult circumstances going on in our lives at any given time and couple it with the constant chaos in the world, you have a recipe for chronic low-grade overwhelm that dulls our ability to fully experience and participate in life.

So how can we deal with this better? Here’s three quick steps:

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