It is said that narcissism and narcissistic behavior is on the rise. One reason being that social media encourages and rewards self-centered and self-absorbed behavior. Perhaps the word narcissism is over-used now, but the pain of narcissistic abuse is no doubt pervasive and real.
At any one point in time, I would guess at least 50% of my clients are in therapy because of pain from a relationship with a narcissistic person in their lives. Oftentimes, they do not realize they are dealing with a narcissist. They just know they hurt and cannot seem to make any progress or change in this relationship no matter how hard they try.
What is narcissism? It is stated that about 7% of the world’s population has true narcissistic personality disorder. Yet, many more people are on the spectrum with strong features of this disorder. It can take time to uncover this behavior and truly understand what you are dealing with.
There are covert and overt narcissists. I am going to give a brief, general overview. You can find more details elsewhere.
Covert narcissists are more difficult to detect. They can be somewhat introverted and appear sensitive and shy. They often act appropriate in front of others, but once alone with them their true colors become more obvious.
Overt narcissists are more extroverted and tend to be the center of attention. They tend not to hide their selfish, self-absorbed behaviors in the same way as a covert narcissist. An overt narcissist can command the room’s attention and disregard the needs of others like a pro.
Whether covert or overt, their behaviors tend to be similar in personal relationships. They tend to lack empathy, make everything about them, lack healthy boundaries, dismiss the feelings and needs of others, be selfish, self-absorbed, gaslight when confronted on their behavior and come across as quite immature.
If the narcissist in your life is a family member, it can be hard to walk away and end the relationship. Yet, there are strategies that can help you maintain the relationship while protecting yourself as much as possible.
Some of these strategies include keeping firm boundaries, telling them very little personal information about your life, limiting the time spent talking or visiting with them, and not taking their behavior personally.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist who is not a family member, you can utilize the above strategies, but may also want to consider ending the relationship if it has a high level of toxicity.
Narcissistic abuse is often correlated with anxiety, depression and health problems for those who are subjected to it. It can often be subtle and insidious and once the relationship bond is formed, the abuse may increase in scope and be harder to break free from.
In romantic relationships narcissists often lead with a stage of love bombing in which they shower their person of interest with seemingly strong feelings of love, attention and admiration very early in the relationship. Because this often feels good, the target person can be caught off guard and convinced they have found true love when it is actually a manipulation tactic used by a needy, fragile narcissist.
Unfortunately, love bombing is inevitable followed by devaluation and eventual discard that can be very hurtful and unexpected.
This is a brief overview of a very complex and common problem. If you find yourself relating to some of this information and are wondering if you may be in a toxic relationship with a narcissist, I encourage you to reach out and speak with a professional. I am happy to speak with you to determine if therapy would be of help. These relationships can cause not only deep pain, confusion and heartbreak, but long lasting mental and physical health problems.
Read also: Are They Gaslighting? How to Recognize and Protect Yourself from Manipulation-Part 1
Read next: Do You Have the Codependent Blues?
Read previous: Are You the Family Scapegoat?
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