Many, if not all of us, struggle with codependent patterns of behavior without knowing it. I often joke with my clients that the only people I know with no codependency are the ones who have worked on their codependency. 

I generally recommend the book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, to my clients in the beginning of therapy to get the basic concepts of this problem under their belt right up front. I find this saves so much time in trying to understand and unravel problematic and toxic behavior patterns that often started in childhood.

What is codependency? It shows itself in a multitude of thoughts, feelings and behaviors. In a nutshell, it is an abdication of personal power in the quest to be loved, accepted and approved of by others. While these behaviors may have helped us survive as a child, they hinder our full development as an adult.

As a child, it was a survival mechanism to get one’s needs met often in a home where parents were preoccupied with their own problems and unable to be fully present to the child’s needs. Now you can see why most of us developed these traits. It is difficult, if not impossible, for parents to be fully present and attentive. Yet, some parents take this to an extreme with selfish, self-absorbed, addictive and/or abusive behavior that damages a child for years to come.

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