I’ve been working with a client for several weeks now who is in an ambivalent marriage. One of the ways he deals with it is by having affairs. He saw a therapist prior to me who actually supported this behavior and saw it as a way to explore his feelings and help him decide if he wanted to stay in his marriage or not. Several years later, he’s still doing the same behavior and is as stuck as ever.
While I generally stay as neutral as possible around my client’s choices and encourage them to follow their own inner guidance, when I see patterns of behavior in which people are getting hurt I feel it’s my professional responsibility to speak up and push the issue.
We’ve spent some time exploring the history of his marriage and the reasons he does what he does. It’s now time for some change. His wife has found out. She has been hurt. I’ve shared with him that there is simply no easy, painless choice here. It is time for him to walk through the fire of transformation and get to the other side. He has to decide to commit to the marriage or commit to leaving.
Walking through this kind of fire can feel like death. It is the death of life as we know it and our ego does not like that.
Our ego will hold on to situations and rationalize our staying stuck as if our life depends on it. Walking into the unknown takes courage and can be risky. Staying stuck in old “safe” patterns, on the other hand, leads to stagnation and an unlived life.
Last week was a tough week. I felt a bit stunned at the end of the week by how many women, and men, had come into my office in a state of utter exhaustion, self-doubt, self-judgment and self-criticism. Honestly, it was hard to sit in the energy. I cancelled my last client of the week and had to go home. I never do that.
We all want to create changes in our lives. I listen to people’s dreams and desires all week long. Some of them are very inspiring and other’s not so much. I’m always curious what makes one person really want to go for their dreams and another simply want to maintain the status quo with perhaps a little tweak.
One of the ways that I choose a topic for a blog post each week is to look at my library of photos and choose a photo that I feel drawn to and let it inspire a thought for a blog. I know that may be a bit strange for anyone primarily left-brained, but it is how I let my inner guidance take the lead. Plus, I find it more fun than “thinking up” a topic. I also look for themes during the week in terms of what my clients tend to be talking about a lot or other topics in the media or news related to personal growth.
It seems like half the clients I spoke with last week told me how overwhelmed they are. When I asked what was going on I heard about sick friends dying, fear of job loss, relationship break-ups, divorce dramas and financial strain.