Nancy Harris Blog - Psychotherapy and life coaching in Denver

How to Deal with Fear of Change

Change is the one constant we can be sure of. It is going on all around us at breakneck speed and shows no evidence of slowing down. In most cases, the changes in our world are going to speed up, get messier and be less predictable. If we don’t learn to become comfortable with this and to create the necessary changes in our own lives to keep up with it, we will be left behind.

As a therapist and life coach I work with clients all day long who are trying to create changes in their lives. Often they want new career opportunities or their own business with more creativity, flexibility and freedom. They desire better relationships with a spouse, family member or colleague. They may want to change living situations, geographic location, start a new relationship, or improve their health, fitness and finances. The list is endless.

Change drives us and fascinates us. Yet, it also frustrates us and scares us like nothing else. As much as we may want a change, the desire to stay safe is equally strong. These two opposing forces– to grow, yet stay safe–wreck havoc and inner conflict like nothing else. I once heard someone say, “If you want to grow, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”

So what is one to do?

Here are 5 steps to help you navigate change more skillfully and with less fear:

Are You Suffering from Narcissistic Abuse?

by Nancy Harris 3 Comments

The holidays are a tough time of year for so many people but even more so if your family or close circle of friends includes someone with a personality disorder such as narcissism and you are being subjected to narcissistic abuse.

Abuse comes in many forms. I recently listened to a YouTube video with a woman who had suffered extreme physical, sexual and emotional abuse for 13 years as a child and adolescent. She stated that after years of therapy and recovery work, the emotional abuse was by far the hardest to heal from. I suspect that is because emotional abuse, such as narcissistic abuse, can be less obvious than physical abuse and, thereby, more confusing and insidious.

It is estimated that about 7% of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, (NPD). Yet, I would say approximately 50% of my clients come into therapy due to the emotional pain of being in relationship with either a narcissistic parent, spouse, sibling, co-worker or friend. In all my years of being a therapist, I would say narcissistic abuse is one of the most painful things anyone can experience.

So what is narcissism and narcissistic abuse?Continue Reading

How to Make 2017 a Better Year than 2016

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

These are no doubt challenging times.

We are coming to the end of one of the most chaotic and illusion-shattering years in a long time. Most of us have been shaken and shocked at both an individual and collective level in, oh, so many ways…I have experienced it in my own life and see it daily in the lives of my friends, colleagues, clients, and the world-at-large.

We have had to face that some of the situations and relationships in our lives are not what they seemed. The things we have been in denial about or avoiding are now hitting us smack in the face. The pain is palpable everywhere. I am hearing people say, “This was the hardest/worst year of my life. I can hardly wait for 2016 to be over.”

I understand, yet will 2017 be any different if we are not…?

I see those who are still wanting to avoid, go into denial, and live life as usual. Beware—this will simply no longer work. Not only will this no longer work, it will most likely lead to further pain, destruction and increased personal and planetary chaos. The energy on the planet will not tolerate or support such low-level consciousness for much longer.

What is one to do? WAKE UP NOW! Become conscious. Get real about what is going on in your life and the world around you. Learn to feel your feelings and speak your truth. Be authentic. It really isn’t that hard or scary. Living unconsciously is what is hard and scary. Walking around in the illusion that everything is OK and will turn out fine is what led us all to such a precarious place.

Are You Living Your Calling?

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

94047d0501e65e6360bad69a8281bf4f All of us want to live lives of meaning and purpose in which we are using our talents and gifts and making a positive difference. Yet how many of us are actually fulfilling this call? Perhaps a lucky few of us get up each day filled with energy and enthusiasm and a deep inner knowing that we are doing what our soul came here to do.

It’s my belief that each of us has a unique purpose that only we can fulfill. That in our hearts, we yearn to complete that mission. This may or may not take the form of a career. Our purpose may be multifaceted and most likely will change at different stages of life. It may take the form of volunteer work, a hobby, caring for an elderly parent, raising our children or starting a new business.

From what I have seen as a coach, many of us get pulled off track at a young age from fulfilling our passion due to losing touch with our deeper self. We get caught up in people pleasing–often as children–and disconnect from our own dreams, talents and gifts. We’ll please our parents, teachers and other authority figures before ourselves. This can cause years of lost time, buried ambitions and missed opportunities.

At a certain point in life, this inauthenticity often becomes unbearable, situations erupt, perfect storms are created and a rupture happens. Life as we know it is simply no longer working. The soul wants to be heard and recognized…and we’re being given a chance to begin again. The question is, will we listen and chose differently?

How to Live a Life Uncommon

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

One of my favorite songs is Life Uncommon by Jewel. When I hear that song it makes me think of those who make brave, heartfelt choices, often far from mainstream thinking, that carry incalculable risks and the possibility of dire consequences. Yet, these souls persevere as if on some level they had no choice but to follow their uncommon fate and destiny.

I am often struck by how one decision can take one’s life in a completely different direction and trajectory. And, I am humbled by the importance of making all our decisions with our highest wisdom and clarity.

I have been thinking a lot about the power of our choices and decisions the past few weeks as I have watched some current movies such as Joy, The Danish Girl and Brooklyn. If you have seen these movies, you know what I mean.

The characters in these movies made life altering choices that took grit and determination. In Brooklyn we see a young woman immigrate alone from Ireland to America in the 1950’s to seek out greater opportunity, while in Joy, the main character took on huge debt and corrupt business forces to seek a financial way out of her family legacy of pain and dysfunction, and in The Danish Girl, the main character actually lost her life after becoming the first transgender male to undergo a sex change operation in the 1920’s.

The main characters in Joy and The Danish Girl were based on real people. One triumphed with the gutsy choices she made and the other ultimately lost her life. What does it take to make those kinds of choices? What compels someone to stretch to such a degree as to create magnificent success while another makes a bold choice in which they ultimately lose their life?

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