Nancy Harris Blog - Psychotherapy and life coaching in Denver

How to Thrive in a Culture of Narcissism

We’ve all heard, and experienced, by now that narcissism is on the rise. We see bad behavior splashed on the front pages of our newspapers on a daily basis, are assaulted by unrestrained opinions on social media, treated callously in the professional workplace and “ghosted” in the dating and social scene.

While we may all act as if we can tolerate these behaviors with minimal annoyance, such actions wound our psyches and souls in ways we often don’t want to acknowledge.

For years now, I have been struck by how many clients seek out my services due to the pain of being in a close relationship with a narcissistic personality be it a parent, spouse, sibling, friend or co-worker. These relationships cause pain, confusion and human carnage. Sometimes the pain lasts a lifetime. It can often derail our health, finances, self-esteem, other relationships and overall zest for life.

How do we protect ourselves from the damage of narcissistic relationships and learn to thrive despite the rising prevalence of this phenomenon in our culture?

The Importance of Deep Self-Care. Right Now.

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

Has anyone else noticed that the world we are living in appears to be on the verge of a collective nervous breakdown? You’d have to be living in a cave or avoiding the news altogether to not be aware of the extreme levels of stress most of us are experiencing.

We all have the usual stuff to contend with; the family responsibilities, the bills to pay, the health challenges, relationship crises, etc. The list goes on and on.

Add to that, the stress in our country, the political infighting, the fractured relationships with friends and family due to the most contentious election in our lives. And now, the very real concern of an escalation of tempers that could lead to our ultimate demise through nuclear annihilation. Yes, these are challenging times.

My morning today started like most people’s mornings. I took yesterday off due to the holiday. Today I awoke to a flurry of emails, text messages and phone calls. While fielding these necessities, I was preparing my last minute documents for my appointment with my accountant tomorrow to do my taxes. As a self-employed person, tax prep, for me, is complex, stressful and time-consuming. On top of that, I am fighting off the flu.

By 11:00 am I felt kind of fried. I could have kept pushing through, but instead I decided to stop. I shut off my phone and meditated for 30 minutes. I know what you are thinking, “I don’t have time to do that!” Actually, you don’t have time to not do that.

Step Up and Be the Change You Want to See

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

I know many of us are feeling beaten down, powerless, fearful and disillusioned right now. We frequently wake up to headlines that are more bizarre and incomprehensible than the day before.

It is truly a time in which “truth” is stranger than fiction. Most of us want to make an impact or difference, yet often the daily responsibilities of life are challenging enough for us to handle without adding in more.

I belong to a small supervision group comprised of five seasoned women therapists all over age 50. We normally discuss clinical issues, get advice on how to best help our clients and share professional tools.

Yet, this week all we talked about was how each of us is feeling and coping with what is going on in the world. It was comforting, yet a bit concerning, to hear things like: “I’m going to bed at 6:30 pm and reading novels for hours.” “All I want to do is watch TV and go to movies.” “I’m needing lots of solitude and alone time.” “I can’t watch the news much these days.” “I’ve been unusually tired.” “I’ve been taking long walks in nature.”

How to Deal with Fear of Change

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

Change is the one constant we can be sure of. It is going on all around us at breakneck speed and shows no evidence of slowing down. In most cases, the changes in our world are going to speed up, get messier and be less predictable. If we don’t learn to become comfortable with this and to create the necessary changes in our own lives to keep up with it, we will be left behind.

As a therapist and life coach I work with clients all day long who are trying to create changes in their lives. Often they want new career opportunities or their own business with more creativity, flexibility and freedom. They desire better relationships with a spouse, family member or colleague. They may want to change living situations, geographic location, start a new relationship, or improve their health, fitness and finances. The list is endless.

Change drives us and fascinates us. Yet, it also frustrates us and scares us like nothing else. As much as we may want a change, the desire to stay safe is equally strong. These two opposing forces– to grow, yet stay safe–wreck havoc and inner conflict like nothing else. I once heard someone say, “If you want to grow, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”

So what is one to do?

Here are 5 steps to help you navigate change more skillfully and with less fear:

Are You Suffering from Narcissistic Abuse?

by Nancy Harris 3 Comments

The holidays are a tough time of year for so many people but even more so if your family or close circle of friends includes someone with a personality disorder such as narcissism and you are being subjected to narcissistic abuse.

Abuse comes in many forms. I recently listened to a YouTube video with a woman who had suffered extreme physical, sexual and emotional abuse for 13 years as a child and adolescent. She stated that after years of therapy and recovery work, the emotional abuse was by far the hardest to heal from. I suspect that is because emotional abuse, such as narcissistic abuse, can be less obvious than physical abuse and, thereby, more confusing and insidious.

It is estimated that about 7% of the population has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, (NPD). Yet, I would say approximately 50% of my clients come into therapy due to the emotional pain of being in relationship with either a narcissistic parent, spouse, sibling, co-worker or friend. In all my years of being a therapist, I would say narcissistic abuse is one of the most painful things anyone can experience.

So what is narcissism and narcissistic abuse?Continue Reading

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