As a therapist and life coach I work with clients all day long who are trying to create changes in their lives. Often they want new career opportunities or their own business with more creativity, flexibility and freedom. They desire better relationships with a spouse, family member or colleague. They may want to change living situations, geographic location, start a new relationship, or improve their health, fitness and finances. The list is endless.
Change drives us and fascinates us. Yet, it also frustrates us and scares us like nothing else. As much as we may want a change, the desire to stay safe is equally strong. These two opposing forces– to grow, yet stay safe–wreck havoc and inner conflict like nothing else. I once heard someone say, “If you want to grow, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”
So what is one to do?
Here are 5 steps to help you navigate change more skillfully and with less fear:
One of my favorite songs is Life Uncommon by Jewel. When I hear that song it makes me think of those who make brave, heartfelt choices, often far from mainstream thinking, that carry incalculable risks and the possibility of dire consequences. Yet, these souls persevere as if on some level they had no choice but to follow their uncommon fate and destiny.
I was recently asked to write a chapter for a book called, Dare to be Authentic:Learning to Trust Yourself. While I did not know of the woman doing the book project when she approached me, I looked over her previous two books, had a conversation with her and said, “Yes”.
I’ve been working with a client for several weeks now who is in an ambivalent marriage. One of the ways he deals with it is by having affairs. He saw a therapist prior to me who actually supported this behavior and saw it as a way to explore his feelings and help him decide if he wanted to stay in his marriage or not. Several years later, he’s still doing the same behavior and is as stuck as ever.