As a therapist and life coach I work with clients all day long who are trying to create changes in their lives. Often they want new career opportunities or their own business with more creativity, flexibility and freedom. They desire better relationships with a spouse, family member or colleague. They may want to change living situations, geographic location, start a new relationship, or improve their health, fitness and finances. The list is endless.
Change drives us and fascinates us. Yet, it also frustrates us and scares us like nothing else. As much as we may want a change, the desire to stay safe is equally strong. These two opposing forces– to grow, yet stay safe–wreck havoc and inner conflict like nothing else. I once heard someone say, “If you want to grow, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.”
So what is one to do?
Here are 5 steps to help you navigate change more skillfully and with less fear:
The holidays are a tough time of year for so many people but even more so if your family or close circle of friends includes someone with a personality disorder such as narcissism and you are being subjected to narcissistic abuse.
I’ve been working with a client for several weeks now who is in an ambivalent marriage. One of the ways he deals with it is by having affairs. He saw a therapist prior to me who actually supported this behavior and saw it as a way to explore his feelings and help him decide if he wanted to stay in his marriage or not. Several years later, he’s still doing the same behavior and is as stuck as ever.
Last week was a tough week. I felt a bit stunned at the end of the week by how many women, and men, had come into my office in a state of utter exhaustion, self-doubt, self-judgment and self-criticism. Honestly, it was hard to sit in the energy. I cancelled my last client of the week and had to go home. I never do that.