One of my early mentors as a life coach was Martha Beck, PhD. I completed her Wayfinder Life Coach Training Program in 2007. Martha is a Harvard grad, prolific author and well-know life coach who wrote the life coach column for Oprah magazine. Her teachings had a great impact on me and I use them to this day with my clients.

Martha taught that there are two things in life that take us off our authentic path: trauma and socialization. When young, it is natural to be in full expression of your essential or authentic self if you are lucky enough to be raised in a healthy household with parents who support and foster that expression. However, at some point the authentic self is largely abandoned for the social self in order to survive the culture, fit in and go along with the program.

This self-abandonment can have dire consequences that lead to a half-lived life and dreams long forgotten. The results of this are often what bring clients into my office wondering why they are not happy when they did everything that was expected of them. It’s the classic mid-life crisis, yet it can happen at any age.

How do we find balance and peace between these two parts of ourself when we have to live in a world that expects us to conform in order to survive? And, if we have given too much credence to the wishes of others, can we right the ship and still fulfill our dreams and desires? I believe you can re-align with your essential self at any time and create a more fulfilling life.

Let’s take a quick look at the divide and how this typically plays out: