One of my favorite songs is Life Uncommon by Jewel. When I hear that song it makes me think of those who make brave, heartfelt choices, often far from mainstream thinking, that carry incalculable risks and the possibility of dire consequences. Yet, these souls persevere as if on some level they had no choice but to follow their uncommon fate and destiny.
I am often struck by how one decision can take one’s life in a completely different direction and trajectory. And, I am humbled by the importance of making all our decisions with our highest wisdom and clarity.
I have been thinking a lot about the power of our choices and decisions the past few weeks as I have watched some current movies such as Joy, The Danish Girl and Brooklyn. If you have seen these movies, you know what I mean.
The characters in these movies made life altering choices that took grit and determination. In Brooklyn we see a young woman immigrate alone from Ireland to America in the 1950’s to seek out greater opportunity, while in Joy, the main character took on huge debt and corrupt business forces to seek a financial way out of her family legacy of pain and dysfunction, and in The Danish Girl, the main character actually lost her life after becoming the first transgender male to undergo a sex change operation in the 1920’s.
The main characters in Joy and The Danish Girl were based on real people. One triumphed with the gutsy choices she made and the other ultimately lost her life. What does it take to make those kinds of choices? What compels someone to stretch to such a degree as to create magnificent success while another makes a bold choice in which they ultimately lose their life?
I was recently asked to write a chapter for a book called, Dare to be Authentic:Learning to Trust Yourself. While I did not know of the woman doing the book project when she approached me, I looked over her previous two books, had a conversation with her and said, “Yes”.
I’ve had a strange assignment the past seven years. It was a tough one of going into the darkness and chaos of having my life fall apart on so many levels I didn’t recognize myself or my life anymore. My self-identity was battered and bruised. I went through a divorce. I found myself living somewhere that didn’t feel like home on any level.
I’ve been working with a client for several weeks now who is in an ambivalent marriage. One of the ways he deals with it is by having affairs. He saw a therapist prior to me who actually supported this behavior and saw it as a way to explore his feelings and help him decide if he wanted to stay in his marriage or not. Several years later, he’s still doing the same behavior and is as stuck as ever.
We all want to create changes in our lives. I listen to people’s dreams and desires all week long. Some of them are very inspiring and other’s not so much. I’m always curious what makes one person really want to go for their dreams and another simply want to maintain the status quo with perhaps a little tweak.