Relationships and Connection Archives

Are They Gaslighting? How to Recognize and Protect Yourself from Manipulation-Part 2

How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting

If you recognize signs of gaslighting, (see Part 1), in your relationship with a partner, boss, friend, or family member, it’s important to take action to protect yourself:

Trust Your Gut – If something feels off, don’t ignore it. Your instincts are valid.
Keep a Record – Write down conversations, events, and incidents to refer back to later if the gaslighter tries to twist the narrative.
Seek Support – Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group to gain an outside perspective.
Set Boundaries – Don’t engage in arguments that go in circles or try to prove yourself to someone determined to distort reality.
Educate Yourself – Learning more about gaslighting can help you recognize it and respond more effectively.
Consider Distance – If possible, reducing or cutting contact with the gaslighter may be necessary for your mental well-being.

Are They Gaslighting? How to Recognize and Protect Yourself from Manipulation-Part 1

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

It is my belief that the psychological manipulation of gaslighting is one of the most painful things any person can endure. This kind of treatment drives clients to my office more than pretty much anything else. Gaslighting and other forms of narcissistic abuse can, at its worse, be deadly. Get help if you are experiencing this on a regular basis.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a subtle yet insidious form of psychological manipulation that can leave you questioning your own reality, perception and, in its worse cases, your sanity. Whether it occurs in personal relationships, the workplace, or even in larger societal contexts, gaslighting can erode your confidence and make you feel isolated and confused.

Are You the Family Scapegoat?

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

Welcome to the world of a dysfunctional family…There always has to be a scapegoat.

The scapegoat is the person who takes the blame for the family problems. This is the person who is generally trying to speak the truth about what they see and feel is wrong within the family system. Unfortunately, instead of the other family members being willing to look at the problems, they often turn against the truth speaker and target them as the primary problem instead.

Needless to say, being cast in the role of the family scapegoat is severely damaging and traumatizing. Not only is your perception of reality denied and dismissed, but the scapegoat may be banished, ostracized and emotionally abused via gaslighting, blame shifting, triangulating and other passive aggressive behaviors. This treatment can lead to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, (CPTSD), which includes life-long mental and physical health problems.

Family scapegoats are very common in families with parents with addictions such as alcoholism or with mental health disorders such as narcissism or borderline personally disorder. In these family systems, denial is the order of the day and serves to keep the parent from having to confront their own dysfunctional behavior.

How to Attract and Create a Lasting Love…at any Age

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

Everyone yearns for lasting love, yet it often seems elusive. Why is it so hard to find and then, if you do, why is it so darn hard to keep? As a couple’s therapist and life coach, I have worked with couples and singles for years with relationship struggles, fears, blocks and traumas.

Most of the people I talk with have no idea how to choose a healthy partner and create a loving relationship. I have had several young clients tell me they have no idea what a good relationship looks or feels like because they have never seen one. When I first heard this, I was a bit shocked. But once I heard it multiple times, it sunk in that healthy, lasting, conscious relationships are a rare thing indeed.

We live in a culture that does not teach relationship skills. Why is this not learned in school if not at home? Most people seem at a loss as how to proceed and, after a few failed attempts, often avoid the whole issue altogether.

I recently read the book, It’s Never Too Late for Love by a friend and colleague, Pat Burns. In this beautiful book, Pat and her husband Larry describe their path to meeting and falling in love later in life. Both had previous marriages that did not work out and they individually moved to Maui to enjoy their golden years.

Are You Being Drained By An “Energy Vampire”?

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

I’ve recently been reading Dr. Christiane Northrup’s new book, Dodging Energy Vampires. This book is a life-saver for highly sensitive people, also known as empaths, who are often the target for “energy vampires”.

In a nutshell, Dr. Northrup is describing what has commonly been referred to as narcissistic abuse. Narcissistic abuse is perpetrated by “energy vampires” on the sensitive souls who they covertly feed off of in order to fuel their own emptiness and dysfunction.

Energy vampires are typically individuals with a character disorder such as narcissism, borderline personally disorder, sociopathy and psychopathy. They can be very charming, disarming and seductive when luring someone into a relationship which is one of the reasons it is so hard to break away.

When things turn bad, the empath is often blind-sided and strives to get back to the “good stuff” which was there in the early days of the relationship. The empath will often continually over-give while receiving less and less in return over time.