I’ve had a strange assignment the past seven years. It was a tough one of going into the darkness and chaos of having my life fall apart on so many levels I didn’t recognize myself or my life anymore. My self-identity was battered and bruised. I went through a divorce. I found myself living somewhere that didn’t feel like home on any level.
I went through the collapse of the economy shortly after the collapse of my marriage. Other relationships no longer fit. I felt raw, angry, scared. As vulnerable as I felt, I couldn’t take any B.S. anymore. If something didn’t feel right, I said so and some people didn’t like it. OK, most people didn’t like it. I’m sorry.
I watched more things fall away. My two cats died. I made some bad investments. My health wavered. Fun times indeed. The two best relocation astrologers I could find told me I was living in the worst possibly place for me. They said get out now. I bought a house. I know. I’ve never been great at taking advice…even if I ask for it. Let’s just say I was a bit confused and disoriented. (I can laugh now..not then.)
I’ve been working with a client for several weeks now who is in an ambivalent marriage. One of the ways he deals with it is by having affairs. He saw a therapist prior to me who actually supported this behavior and saw it as a way to explore his feelings and help him decide if he wanted to stay in his marriage or not. Several years later, he’s still doing the same behavior and is as stuck as ever.
Last week was a tough week. I felt a bit stunned at the end of the week by how many women, and men, had come into my office in a state of utter exhaustion, self-doubt, self-judgment and self-criticism. Honestly, it was hard to sit in the energy. I cancelled my last client of the week and had to go home. I never do that.
We all want to create changes in our lives. I listen to people’s dreams and desires all week long. Some of them are very inspiring and other’s not so much. I’m always curious what makes one person really want to go for their dreams and another simply want to maintain the status quo with perhaps a little tweak.
One of the ways that I choose a topic for a blog post each week is to look at my library of photos and choose a photo that I feel drawn to and let it inspire a thought for a blog. I know that may be a bit strange for anyone primarily left-brained, but it is how I let my inner guidance take the lead. Plus, I find it more fun than “thinking up” a topic. I also look for themes during the week in terms of what my clients tend to be talking about a lot or other topics in the media or news related to personal growth.