Personal Growth Archives - Page 4 of 7

Do You Have the Codependent Blues?

Many, if not all of us, struggle with codependent patterns of behavior without knowing it. I often joke with my clients that the only people I know with no codependency are the ones who have worked on their codependency.

I generally recommend the book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, to my clients in the beginning of therapy to get the basic concepts of this problem under their belt right up front. I find this saves so much time in trying to understand and unravel problematic and toxic behavior patterns that often started in childhood.

What is codependency? It shows itself in a multitude of thoughts, feelings and behaviors. In a nutshell, it is an abdication of personal power in the quest to be loved, accepted and approved of by others. While these behaviors may have helped us survive as a child, they hinder our full development as an adult.

As a child, it was a survival mechanism to get one’s needs met often in a home where parents were preoccupied with their own problems and unable to be fully present to the child’s needs. Now you can see why most of us developed these traits. It is difficult, if not impossible, for parents to be fully present and attentive. Yet, some parents take this to an extreme with selfish, self-absorbed, addictive and/or abusive behavior that damages a child for years to come.

How to Maintain an Open Heart During Troubling Times

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

Pretty much everyone I speak to is having to confront their deepest fears these days. We are being hit from all sides. The underlying theme in most of these situations is that of loss and grief. There is loss in relationships, jobs, health, finances, familiar social structures and perhaps, worst of all, basic trust and faith in that which we thought was true.

We are being stripped down to face ourselves and our lives in ways that can make us question everything and everyone. We are seeing erratic, irrational, cruel, manipulative and dishonest behavior on the part of authority figures and those who we thought were meant to protect us and keep us safe. Relationships of all kinds–personal and professional– are falling apart and leaving an unexpected void to be filled.

What are we to make of this and how do we move through it without completely, and perhaps permanently, closing our hearts due to the immense sadness and grief?

This is a time of reckoning. A time for deep self-reflection and decision making. We need to ask ourself how we want to proceed.

It can be so easy to shut down to one’s feelings and simply avoid, deny and go numb. There are countless ways to numb out found in our endless electronic devices, mind altering substances–including food and sugar, or any other addiction of choice. If you are going there in your life, it is understandable, but it is not a sustainable choice.

The Power of Saying “NO”

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

I can’t count the number of conversations I have had in the past few weeks with women who are stuck in situations in which they feel frustrated, unfulfilled, disappointed, unappreciated, disrespected, confused, unhappy, etc., because they are afraid to say NO.

It has looked something like this:

The woman with a high-level job who lives with a neglectful partner and is having an affair with another emotionally unavailable man, but is afraid to leave both because she feels guilty.

The woman running her own successful business who is disrespected by an employee she is afraid to fire.

The woman who is overwhelmed by the job she doesn’t like, but stays because it impresses her parents.

Endings Lead to New Beginnings

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

Something has been happening this year to a lot of people who I have been speaking with. Things are ending. Things they never thought would end.

Is this anything new? I don’t know. Life is full of endings…and new beginnings. It’s always been that way—since the beginning of time, I suppose.

Buddhism states that all life is suffering due to the impermanence of everything.

Non-attachment is a useful skill. Easier said than done. We all want to feel we can count on someone and something to be there for us, especially in times of deep need.

I recently read the book, The Surrender Experiment, by Michael Singer. In this book he describes his decades-long practice of saying “yes” to people, circumstances and opportunities that entered his life whether or not his ego-mind wanted to say yes.

Rough Times Ahead?

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

I think most of us would agree, it’s been a bumpy ride this year globally, nationally and individually for many of us.

I believe our consciousness has a lot to do with the circumstances surrounding us. Many of us have been asleep and unconscious for a long time.

We have unwittingly participated in creating the mess.

It’s time to wake up.

There’s no more time for apathy, avoidance, denial and procrastination. We can’t keep thinking someone else will take care of the problems. We are largely in the position we are in because of our narrow-sightedness and unwillingness to pay attention to what is happening in our personal lives and the collective as a whole.

Hence, here we are. Rough times ahead?

No doubt.

But, how rough it gets will depend somewhat on how we handle ourselves in the storm. This is true in life’s daily struggles as well as with the larger global events.

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