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How Tough Times Can Lead to a Quantum Leap in Growth

It’s been a tough January here in Colorado and much of the US. Bitter cold and gray skies have kept many of us housebound and more sedentary than usual. We all know it will pass, but how we deal with these brief challenges can reflect our coping skills in general.

How Tough Times Can Lead to a Quantum Leap in Growth

Life often throws challenges our way—those moments that feel insurmountable, where the light at the end of the tunnel seems impossibly distant. Yet, what I’ve seen repeatedly as a life coach is, that tough times are not just obstacles but opportunities for transformation and growth. Let’s look at how adversity can catalyze a quantum leap in personal and professional development.

The Pressure That Creates Diamonds

The saying “pressure makes diamonds” isn’t just a cliché; it’s a powerful metaphor for growth under challenging circumstances. Just as carbon transforms into a diamond under intense pressure and heat, individuals and organizations often find their true potential when faced with adversity. Challenges force us to:

Innovate: When traditional methods fail, we’re compelled to think outside the box.
Adapt: Survival often hinges on our ability to pivot quickly and embrace change.
Resilience: Overcoming hardships builds mental toughness and emotional fortitude.

Who’s Leading Your Life: Your Social Self or Essential Self?

by Nancy Harris Leave a Comment

One of my early mentors as a life coach was Martha Beck, PhD. I completed her Wayfinder Life Coach Training Program in 2007. Martha is a Harvard grad, prolific author and well-know life coach who wrote the life coach column for Oprah magazine. Her teachings had a great impact on me and I use them to this day with my clients.

Martha taught that there are two things in life that take us off our authentic path: trauma and socialization. When young, it is natural to be in full expression of your essential or authentic self if you are lucky enough to be raised in a healthy household with parents who support and foster that expression. However, at some point the authentic self is largely abandoned for the social self in order to survive the culture, fit in and go along with the program.

This self-abandonment can have dire consequences that lead to a half-lived life and dreams long forgotten. The results of this are often what bring clients into my office wondering why they are not happy when they did everything that was expected of them. It’s the classic mid-life crisis, yet it can happen at any age.

How do we find balance and peace between these two parts of ourself when we have to live in a world that expects us to conform in order to survive? And, if we have given too much credence to the wishes of others, can we right the ship and still fulfill our dreams and desires? I believe you can re-align with your essential self at any time and create a more fulfilling life.

Let’s take a quick look at the divide and how this typically plays out:

Are You the Family Scapegoat?

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

Welcome to the world of a dysfunctional family…There always has to be a scapegoat.

The scapegoat is the person who takes the blame for the family problems. This is the person who is generally trying to speak the truth about what they see and feel is wrong within the family system. Unfortunately, instead of the other family members being willing to look at the problems, they often turn against the truth speaker and target them as the primary problem instead.

Needless to say, being cast in the role of the family scapegoat is severely damaging and traumatizing. Not only is your perception of reality denied and dismissed, but the scapegoat may be banished, ostracized and emotionally abused via gaslighting, blame shifting, triangulating and other passive aggressive behaviors. This treatment can lead to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, (CPTSD), which includes life-long mental and physical health problems.

Family scapegoats are very common in families with parents with addictions such as alcoholism or with mental health disorders such as narcissism or borderline personally disorder. In these family systems, denial is the order of the day and serves to keep the parent from having to confront their own dysfunctional behavior.

Are You Dealing with a Narcissist?

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

It is said that narcissism and narcissistic behavior is on the rise. One reason being that social media encourages and rewards self-centered and self-absorbed behavior. Perhaps the word narcissism is over-used now, but the pain of narcissistic abuse is no doubt pervasive and real.

At any one point in time, I would guess at least 50% of my clients are in therapy because of pain from a relationship with a narcissistic person in their lives. Oftentimes, they do not realize they are dealing with a narcissist. They just know they hurt and cannot seem to make any progress or change in this relationship no matter how hard they try.

What is narcissism? It is stated that about 7% of the world’s population has true narcissistic personality disorder. Yet, many more people are on the spectrum with strong features of this disorder. It can take time to uncover this behavior and truly understand what you are dealing with.

There are covert and overt narcissists. I am going to give a brief, general overview. You can find more details elsewhere.

Do You Have the Codependent Blues?

by Nancy Harris 1 Comment

Many, if not all of us, struggle with codependent patterns of behavior without knowing it. I often joke with my clients that the only people I know with no codependency are the ones who have worked on their codependency.

I generally recommend the book, Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, to my clients in the beginning of therapy to get the basic concepts of this problem under their belt right up front. I find this saves so much time in trying to understand and unravel problematic and toxic behavior patterns that often started in childhood.

What is codependency? It shows itself in a multitude of thoughts, feelings and behaviors. In a nutshell, it is an abdication of personal power in the quest to be loved, accepted and approved of by others. While these behaviors may have helped us survive as a child, they hinder our full development as an adult.

As a child, it was a survival mechanism to get one’s needs met often in a home where parents were preoccupied with their own problems and unable to be fully present to the child’s needs. Now you can see why most of us developed these traits. It is difficult, if not impossible, for parents to be fully present and attentive. Yet, some parents take this to an extreme with selfish, self-absorbed, addictive and/or abusive behavior that damages a child for years to come.

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